Stress-EA – shopping mare

The title is rather ironic now in view of Ikea’s current issues, but I wrote this one a while back. Perhaps I could work it in somehow….

Sometimes shopping is a business best done alone.  Or not not done at all

They say that one gets very stressed from things like moving home

And stress can be a problem if it’s handled all alone,
But me and Mr R – we’ve managed all that stress
We’ve moved into our shiny home, it’s clean and bright, no mess
So sharing buying for our home should have been a good idea
but No one said the all time stress was shopping at IKEA
We needed extra storage for this house that we just bought
To find a home for all my “junk” – at least that’s what I thought,
But we’re in the kitchen area revising all our plans
Looking at a pantry and a place for all our pans
can we just agree for once and avoid a big dispute
or am I talking lingo that doesn’t quite compute”
“I thought you said that wouldn’t work this surely is absurd
What exactly do we want I thought we had conferred
every box must have a tick as per friggin normal
But All the things I say I like – he claims are bloody awful
You choose then it’s up to you – I really couldn’t care
Oh,Keep it down and pass the tape you’re making people stare
Later with four hundred weight we make it to the car
Having flexed the plastic and the savings much too far
Steer the trolley please and mind that woman’s toes
Why I don’t just slap you God in heaven only knows.
Where’s the keys – you’ve got them – no I haven’t – yes you have
Oops oh dear I dropped them – are you sure – just check your bag
Trailing back inside the store – I’m left to guard the loot
Looking rather doubtful this will fit inside the boot.
Keys reclaimed we struggle while its getting very late
Trying to fit four hundred weight inside our old estate
Common sense prevails we have capitulated
delivery is preferred to being decapitated
Two hundred weight is sent back in admitting our defeat
Together with a hernia and a broken left hand seat
7 hours have past before we head back on the road
Traffic jams and accidents and a chance we’ll just explode
Back home we build up what we have and not a word is spoken
Especially when we realise the goddam thing is BROKEN !!

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