I really must visit the dentist
It’s been on my mind for some time
But I’m really not keen on revealing
The things that he’s likely to find
He’ll say “Oh good grief, just look at your teeth
I’m afraid they’re far from the cleanest
Stifle your groans, just take out a loan
And ensure that you see my hygienist”
The hygienist of course is a sadist
Why else would you take on that job?
Torture disguised as a treatment
And a chance to stick pins in your gob.
It seems I might need a mortgage
I regret I was never insured
Though I have two teeth which are broken,
He’s refusing my club card reward.
The dentist is umming and aahing
He’s only just now getting started
He’s trying to look at my fillings
If only my lips could be parted
“Get out of my mouth you dentistry lout
Leave my holes and my fillings alone
In fact I’m not free can’t you see I’m busy
I really do need to go home”
He’s got his syringe he’s going to infringe
The privacy of my poor gums
The Nurse has a frown she’s got me held down
All I need to do now is succumb.
I’m hearing the drill I think I feel ill
I’m not sure if I’m numb yet or not.
I can’t open wide, I’m sorry I lied
That’s no hole, just a small blackish dot.
Give me a general I’ll be calm and convivial.
“OK madam you’re done, you can rinse.”
My god is it done, I’m so glad that I’ve come
Piece of cake – and not even a wince!