Vampires now are right on trend
Un-dead love pays dividend
The Transylvanian craze has been
Up the street of every teen
Blood you see is very in
It makes you pale and intrestin’
Stand aside now Lee and Cushing
There is no call for capes ‘n swhooshing
Old blokes sucking necks is pervy
Kids want something more unnerving

First came Buffy‘s virginal sex
And fit male vamps with damn fine pecs
Slaying those gone vampire bad
With thatold toff off the coffee ad.
But Buffy had loved-up ambition
So left her life of lone perdition
And settled for the family dream
Of mini slayers it would seem
(Who no doubt followed in the line
And duffed up vampires under nine)

Then Vampires had an overhaul
Good from bad now hard to call
No more Slavic gothic horror
Vampires now have heart and honour
Being a vamp’s no longer funny
It actually makes you lots of money
Gorgeous kids with teenage angst
Have skills they wish they hadn’t thanks
Hunky troubled fit young guys
Fight their needs in wan disguise

No black capes or virgin necks
Just normal chaps you’d not expect
(But for the fact they’re awful pale
And moan about their sorry tale)
“We’re made this way we want to feed,
We can’t deny our fearful need,
Give us up your neck now babe,
This series stops when we get saved”
“No, No my love we’ll be repeated
Just as soon as it’s completed”

Even kids are making pacts
In ghasty blood-soaked horror acts
Angelic little blond-haired kid
Caught in what vampini did.
And never fall for vampire Fred
Or you’ll end up forever dead
Banished to some far off wood
Where werewolves come to trash your ‘hood
(Werewolves here get some small mention
– vamps’ employ is their prevention)

So – we’re clear, the current rage
Is going through a vampire stage
The Count is out and Diaries in
Van-Helsing, True-Blood, Sagas win
And after all there’s one huge plus
To comes from all this vampire fuss
The upshot of this ancient tale
Should mean we favour very pale
The legacy of the vampire fan
……Could see the end of orange tan

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