Slug it to Me (or – the nearer your destination….)

“Someone’s greased this Hosta pot”
Cried Slug with all the strength he’d got.
“I’m trying hard to reach those leaves
which yesterday I did with ease.
No matter what I do today
I’m sliding back the other way.
I’ve produced a copious muscous trail
but slimed the pot to no avail.
Hang on though, what’s this down here?
Whoop-de-do I think it’s beer!
Then just as Slug was sliding down
His mates yelled up – “you’ll only drown”
“it’s just a trap” all cried in glugs
“This deep end don’t agree with slugs
It dawned on Slug he’d made a blunder
as one by one they all went under.
But being greased he couldn’t stop
And slid right in with one small plop.
“Help me lads I sink I’m thinking”
slurred one the worse for too much drinking.
Then seeing that their ends were nigh
Slug called out “hey lads I’m dry,
all that Vaseline in truth
has made me nice and waterproof
The others then politely asked
may we use you as a raft”
And thus they floated round the rim
saved by Slug from falling in
But having supped as you’d expect
the slugs were soon completely wrecked,
displaying quite unusual crudeness,
arguments and drunken lewdness.
So beer and gastropods don’t go
it makes them pissed as newts you know,
and no slug wants to meet oblivion
drunk as some small wet amphibian

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