Mum’s Gone to Iceland

Mum’s gone to Iceland for Christmasy cheer
Desperate to prove she can win some this year.
Successes for her thus far have been low
She’s not really crafty likes others you know.
Her seasonal bling is simply quite tragic,
Dressing her tree just by throwing things at it.
She’s cut off the top of the tree at an angle
the tinsel’s offset and the baubles don’t dangle
The fairy jumped ship and made her excuses
“This dog breakfast mess of a tree’s not conducive.
Go make your stars with their wooly string bits
I’ll sit on the tree when you find me some glitz”
That’s what you get when your tree isn’t classy
A grumpy, bent fairy who’s attitude’s arsey.
Sally makes advents and sews in some sweets,
Her kids have calendars with 25 treats!
Mum’s feeling guilty she’s eaten the chocs
If her kids ever got one they’d be clearly shocked
Now it’s December and achievements compared
Damnation on Facebook your whole life is shared
Debbie impressed us with yuletidey joy,
Chocolate logs topped with a hand-crafted toy!!!
Well – thinks this Mum, I WILL be impressive
Or else come next year I’ll be deeply depressive
She’s seen a neat plan for a new kind of tree
Built from stacked books and what’s more it’s free
No one will have a tree so sublime
Unique and affordable or clever as mine
she picks up her Kindle then looks at her shelf
It’s just shades of grey and fuckin’ all else!

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